Q:
Mayor, I was arrested for picking up a hooker on the street... what do I do?
A:
Let me first say that you are a jack ass. Now that's out of the way I would advise
you to seek legal council and seek therapy so you can understand why you did this and
hopefully not repeat this dangerous and embarrassing act.
Q:
Is it true that cops have to tell me they are a cop if I ask them?
A:
No. They can tell you anything they want. Do you think an undercover officer
embedded in the mob would answer that question truthfully if asked?
Q:
What's the deal with all the local hotels getting rid of adult movies on their pay
per view TV?
A:
Ahhhhhh... that cock sucker Phil Burress and his wacko group CCV have been on the
warpath with local hotels and are winning the war. The people in Cincinnati let them do it
without a battle so you all deserve exactly what you are getting. They have already won if
you ask me. You can visit their web site, send them hate mail or join them if you want by
clicking here. Just make sure to tell'
em who sent you.
Q:
Man, where did the site go?
A:
I have bills to pay just like the next guy and this site doesn't pay them. I opened
an army of adult pay sites and that has been taking all my time. Gotta keep the lights on
ya know.
Q:
Dear Mr. Mayor, it burns when I urinate. I may have an STD. Where can I go to get
tested?
A:
Not knowing exactly what you have done, I would say you may or may not have an STD
or could simply have a urinary tract infection. If there is puss involved you have been
burned and must get tested and treated ASAP. No puss means that you still may of been
burned so go check it out. Chlamydia and Gonorrhea seem to go hand and hand and they will
treat you for both in most cases with Zithromax and Penicillin, Cipro or Tequin. Many
people have one or both of these STDs and never show a single symptom and pass it along
without even knowing. Gonorrhea can live in your urethra, rectum, throat or even in your
eyes while Chlamydia only infects your urethra. Call your family doctor to get tested or
call the Cincinnati Health Department on Martin Luther King BLVD for cheap and anonymous
testing. Ladies can call Planned Parenthood.
Q:
What are watersports?
A:
Well since I just spoke about piss, this will work just fine. Watersports are
pee play. You pee on her / him, they pee on you... You jack off in it, drink it,
whatever. Some people really dig this. It does feel VERY good to have a girl
piss on your dick right as your about to cum from jacking off. You will be in for a
treat, as the warm pee sets you off. But unless your really into it, don't put it in
your mouth. NASTY! Yes, I speak from experience and it was awful. Trisha Uptown peed in my mouth for
a shoot, made me gargle it and then spit on my face and called me "piss boy".
Good times huh? Well, I think I have said a little too much on this one...
Time to go. *blushing*
Q:
I want to cum on my girlfriends face but she doesn't like it. How can I talk her
into it?
A:
First let me ask, would you enjoy her pissing on your face? And would you
dare to lay on your back, legs in air and jack off on your own face? If the answer
is no, then drop it. Piss, cum, it's all the same... Warm liquid shooting out of
your dick onto her face. Many ladies hate this and find it very degrading. I however
find it fun ONLY if the lady is into it, as some (few) are cum hungry whores and love a
good load on their face. If "yes" is your answer, then do it and see how
she reacts when you show her that you are willing to take one for the team if she is.
Once she does it, and sees that it's not too bad (right), you should be good to go.
Just don't shoot it in her eyes, tell her to close them and keep them closed during the
blast. She could get an eye infection from your jizz...
Q:
Mayor, is it true that you can get STD's from oral sex? I like for ladies
(escorts) to suck me off with no condom and one just told me that she could catch
something from me that way. What's up with that?
A:
Yes. Many people do not know this but Gonorrhea and Herpes will bite your ass
from oral sex, giving or receiving. There are questions about HIV transmitted this
way but recent research in France has found that they don't think it is. So the
bottom line... YES, oral sex is also a health risk. Many escorts will do
"bareback blow jobs" but request a condom for sex... Go figure. Education
is the key people.
Q:
Dear Mr. Mayor... This is a two part question for you and I doubt if you can help
me but I figured it was worth a shot. 1) How can I blow big loads like Peter North? 2) Is
it possible to make my cum taste better?
A:
Well I guess this will be a three part answer. 1) Please
don't insult my intelligence by assuming that I do not know the answer to your question.
If it pertains to sex and/or the industry of, think of me as Oz. Though I am
the little man behind the machine, I will have an answer for you. It may not be what
you want t hear, but I will always have an answer. 2) Peter
North is a freak. I have heard all kinds of things about him including that he has
an extra gland (from birth) that makes more sperm. Who knows. But I do know
that if you "load the gun" before you shoot it, you will have much larger loads.
What I mean by that is bring yourself close to cumming a few times (really close
but don't shoot) and get it good and backed up and ready to pop... And when you just can't
stand it anymore, let it rip. You will be impressed at the amount of semen that will exit
your little submarine. 3) I don't now why you want to taste
your own cum but if you must... Eat lots of Kiwi and Pineapple. But not too much pineapple
because it has a lot of acid in it which will give you an upset tummy. Eat it
everyday as part of your diet and not only will you be getting great vitamins such as
biotin, B12 and vitamin E... But you will also have a sweeter and more pleasant tasting
cum. The Great Oz has spoken... *thunder*
Q:
Do you have any tips for first time anal sex?
A:
Funny you should ask that... I was in a discussion just last night about this very
thing. Though a female who loves it in the ass would be a better candidate to ask, I
will give it my best. Before I even start I will say that to do a proper ass fucking you
will need her (or his) total trust. This is very scary for many due to the fact that
some other dumb ass tried to insert his entire package with one thrust at one time or
another and she is left with the mental scar of that pain and discomfort. Now... you
are going to need lots of lube. Buy a lube called "WET", it seems to last
the longest and does not dry up like KY Jelly does. Your going to have to be well
into the act and having done lots of foreplay to really get her stimulated. Once she
is worked up, start slow by SLOWLY inserting the tip of your FINGER while you have her
doggie style or while you are going down on her. Key word is "SLOWLY"...
And I do mean just the tip. Poke it in a little at a time every few minutes going
deeper and deeper until it's in. Work it like this for a while and see what kind of
reaction she gets. If she's into it you can move forward. If not, stay with
your fingers and think of the long term goal, not just your quick anal fix. Once you
can get a full finger or two in her with little resistance, lay her gently on her stomach
totally flat. You will need to tell her to relax and for her NOT to tense up. In
fact, she needs to push out almost as if she is trying to poop. (NOTE: An enema
beforehand is good planning and leaves a very clean working surface... Buy a brand called
"Fleet") Once she is relaxed and is gently pushing outwards, you need to
work it just like you did with your finger.... A 1/4 inch at a time. You must be
well lubed and have lots of patience for this because if you rush it and cause her pain,
you just blew your chance of getting it again. Work it in 1/4 inch at a time until
you are 1/2 way in her. Your first few times, DO NOT give her all of you. Do not
pump away like an 18 year old boy losing his virginity and do not get angry with her if
she is in pain and makes you stop. IT WILL be painful for her but if you do it may
way, it will hurt a little less. This is a process that takes time... But if done
properly, you will be rewarded with a woman who loves it in the ass and can have explosive
orgasms this way. This is the Cliff Notes version but I think you get the idea.
Oh, I almost forgot... when she's well broken in, be sure to drop me a line when she's ready for her
first Double Penetration...
Q:
Mayor, I am having a bachelor party for my best friend and need help. Who do I call
and what do I do?
A:
1st visit www.TotallyExposed.net
and call them to book your show. 2nd, make sure you double check that that is the
actual entertainer that is coming out to you. Tell them that if it's not her, you will not
pay her. 3rd, book it early around 8pm. Later shows you can bet the girls will be
late. 4th, have your money READY and a place cleared out for her to dance. The clock
starts when she gets there... Not when the music starts. 5th, treat her with respect and
follow her rules. If you treat her any less, she will do a shitty show and possibly
leave early, not giving you a refund. 6th, don't be a drunk asshole or allow your
drunk friends to act like fools. Just because someone is getting married does not give any
man a right to act fool, treat a woman like dirt or be so obnoxious he gets locked in a
coat closet. And last... Don't size up her driver or give him a hard time. He
can end your show in a second flat if he sees fit to do so. I know it's very
difficult for some of you Mongoloid rednecks (or frat boys) to control yourselves, and you
get a great sense of power by mouthing off to guys who are alone when you are with all
your hard ass friends... But I can assure you that this behavior does nothing but prove to
the world that you are a sorry excuse for a man and you should never be allowed to spread
your seed. Any other questions?
Q:
I'm just another loyal fan of yours with a few questions and comments. First
I want to say that the new site layout looks great, I love what you did with the place,
it's very Feng Shui if you will. *giggle* Then I was shocked to see a photo of you,
this is the first time we get to see you is it not? Lastly I am excited to see that
you have a question and answer page up. Hey, was that your idea cause if you don't mind
I'd like to take credit for that idea...
A:
I'm glad you like the new look and yes, this is the first time my pic has been on
this site. You can find me buck ass naked, cock in hand on several other adult sites but I
keep pretty low key here at home. No, this page was not my idea. You (Ebony
Porn Starlet - Violet DiMarco) told me to do it after countless e-mails between us
explaining us men to you. So I guess I owe you a big "THANKS" because my
mailbox is flooded more than ever. I honestly don't know how to pick through them
all.
Q:
Dear Mr. Mayor, Can you please tell me the best way to guarantee the best service
in an Asian massage parlor?
A:
No problem. Learn Korean. Most of the massage joints around are Korean ran and learning a
few phrases will get you not only EXCELLENT service, but it may get you some freebies on
the side after hours or on another day. I dated a (fine) Korean girl for a while and
she schooled me a little on the language. A little goes a long way in these places
so get your books out and start learning. It also doesn't hurt to stimulate your
mind from time to time. For the best results I recommend learning basic Korean and
Japanese, as these are the two main languages spoken in AMP's throughout the country.
I have taken several AMP hotties out on the town after spitting a little game at
them in their own tongue. Learn how to bargain, say "thank you",
"please", "faster", "slower", "don't stop" and
learn how to compliment them... And don't forget to smile. It's not as hard as you
think. The hardest part is finding an AMP that has anything worthwhile in it to
spend money on. (AMP = Asian Massage Parlor)
Q:
Mayor... Have you ever tried Viagra? If so, what exactly did it do for
you? I am a young man and do not really need it to "get it up" but I heard
that it increases your staying power.
A:
Yes. I played with it a few times but the side affects of splitting headaches were not
worth the lead pipe hard-on I had. Not everyone gets headaches but I'm a lucky one
who does so this is not a drug I like to play with anymore. I will say that it WILL
make you hard as a rock and WILL prolong your orgasm. Buy 100mg's and split them in
two... It's cheaper that way. Not to mention that you do not need any more that
50mg. And as always... Consult a doctor before taking something like this.
It's not healthy for everyone. Oh, you also may want to skip eating for about 2
hours before you take it and avoid foods in high fat the day of. Apparently fatty foods
can block the drug.
Q:
Dear Mayor, I have a huge cock and many people tell me I should do porn. Who do I
contact and how do I break in?
A:
Assuming that you ARE hung, somewhat attractive and can perform under severe pressure, you
need to find the HOTTEST girl, and I do mean a 10, and SHE needs to contact World Modeling
in Los Angeles (818) 986-4316. SHE needs to tell them that at the time being that
she is only working with her boyfriend (you). If they use her, and they probably
will, you will have to pay your own way and travel to them. If you can perform on
set at 7am with strangers and lights all around you... You may get a foot in the door if
this is a repeated stellar performance. Maybe. And don't expect to make much
at all... A couple hundred bucks for you and around $800 for her. Why do you think
there are only a few guys in the biz? It's hard work. Also be prepared to get
an HIV test every 28 days. If you really are a young good looking stud and are hell bent
on doing porn, send me an e-mail with a recent
photo, I may have some local work for you.
Q:
I'm a mess. My girlfriend keeps cheating on me and I don't know what to do. Since
you have experience as a swinger, do you think that if I agree to swing with her that she
will stop cheating on me?
A:
Dear unfortunate bastard... DROP HER CHEATIN' ASS! You can't turn a Ho into a
housewife so don't even try. She will always be a cheating whore and you will never
trust her. Once the trust is gone, it's all over. FYI, I am no longer in the
swinging lifestyle and I do not advise it to "fix" a failing relationship. You
must have extreme and total trust to be a "swinger". We have all been
there, now it's your turn. It's over man. Cut her the fuck loose.
Q:
Mr. Mayor, who do you recommend for the best escort experience in Cincinnati? Your
help would be greatly appreciated.
A:
Ugh. I get this 20 times a day. Ok... MY personal experience may not be an
experience that you are searching for or even want to pay for. And vise versa. Maybe
you want to "make love" to a woman and maybe I want to swing from the chandelier
in a bumble bee suit while pissing on a poodle. Or maybe you like Greek... I don't like
Greek. So you see, if I tell you who I think is the bomb, you may come back to me
and tell me I'm full of shit. I know who I like, but I can not tell you who you
like. As your local pornographer I would advise you to first find a lady you are
physically attracted to and contact her VERY CAREFULLY to get a feel for her personality
and attitude. If that fits, see her once to test the water... If it floats GREAT! If not,
back to square one. Happy hunting.
Q:
Where are the street girls at?
A:
First let me tell you that your insane. But I don't judge you. If the threat of STD's, HIV
/ AIDS, getting your car impounded ON THE FIRST OFFENSE, jail or getting robbed doesn't
scare you off, keep reading... Anywhere on a side street off E. Liberty downtown and
around E. McMillian up by Eden Park. Hit those areas and look for the seediest
streets around or for the ones right in the open. Keep in mind that these woman fell from
the top of the ugly tree and most are serious crack heads. If your still hell bent,
be safe, wear a rubber cause some STD's can be transmitted even through oral sex. A
little FYI, don't mention money or an act until she is IN YOUR CAR and you are well out of
the area. Cops "usually" will not get in your car. But you never know...
Q:
My girlfriends pussy never gets wet enough for me to fuck her. Do you ever have
that problem and what do you know to do about it?
A:
Three words for you... EAT HER PUSSY! One more... FOREPLAY!!! And don't just
lick it, I mean eat that mother fucker like it's the last pussy on earth. There are tons
of books out there on how to do a proper pussy eating. Variation is the key... For a
while, then you have to buckle down, focus, read her body language and stay working until
she cums. Women are not like us, they have to be built up and up and up until it's over.
If you stop mid way, they have to start all over again! Unlike us. Learn to
hit her G-Spot with your finger while you lick her and suck on her clit. Once your
in a zone and you have teased the holy hell out of her, focus on her clit (as long as
she's not the overly sensitive type), put both lips around it, and do a gentle sucking
motion while licking it quickly back and forth (or up and down) at the same time.
Try both, her body will let you know which she likes better. If done correctly, she
will put her hands on your head to hold you still (hint) so stay put NO MATTER HOW BAD
YOUR JAW HURTS until she cums or moves you. I guess the bottom line is to PAY ATTENTION...
Notice her breathing and body language. If you pay attention to her and communicate
with her, you will have a soaking wet pussy that is good for hours of fucking. |
